The baby eats the brain (and parentheticals)

I have a baby asleep on my butt. 

Okay, he's not a baby any more, he's 3 and 1/2!  I can't believe how quickly they grow.  I am sitting on the couch sideways so I can type on the laptop.  O crawled up next to me and put his head on my hip and within two minutes he was snoring.

Why do you always get sick when you have vacation scheduled already?  The hubs and I jave vacay scheduled for Thur & Fri.  Thur the kids are going to school and I have a hair & nail appointment.  (Very much needed; I am looking seriously WT.)  Fri we are having a family day and hitting up the zoo.  (I am looking forward to zoo food; it is quite disgusting and greasy and over processed...and sure deliciousness!  Plus they have the best lemonade...yummy....)

This morning I woke up with sinus pressure, sore throat, swollen lymph nodes, ear pressure...ugh.  Ten minutes later the hubs woke up with the exact same symptoms.  Oklahoma wind sucks y'all.  (Or does it blow?  Oh, I'm so clever!)

I know we can make it through work tomorrow but we may end up sucking it up on our vacay days instead of days of fun spent outside.  *sigh*

I haven't been a very good blogger later, and I apologize to y'all.  By the time I'm off work, feed the kids (maybe I cook, maybe I don't...I did cook last night - homemade stir fry...but I digress), bathed the kids, read to the kids, played 8,000 rounds of ring around the rosie, read all my juicy celeb gossip online, read about 3,000  facebook updates (okay, I admit I love those updates), read some of my book (The Girl Who Played w/ Fire - the sequel to The Girl w/ The Dragon Tattoo), watched some AI or Castle... well my brain is mush. 

(I think of blog topics and ever write somewhat witty clever things in my head...but by the time I can write it is gone...seriously the baby eats the brain from the time you get knocked up until you die...)

How do y'all do it??????

But here is a pic for you; the hubs in his early fathers day/anniversary present:

Internal Joy: A List

I'm too exhausted to form coherent thoughts so here is a list...

Things that give me internal joy:

1.  When my kids wake me up on Saturday morning saying "we will wake the sleeping dragon by tickling it!"  And then proceed to tickle me awake.

2.  Bacon Avocado on Rye from Someplace Else deli w/ my see-ster.  (saying see-ster to annoy my b-i-l)

3.  When my hubby buys me my sbux unsolicited.

4.  Nathan Fillon on Castle.  David Boreanaz on Bones.  Jeremy Sisto, Anthony Anderson & Linus Roache on Law & O.

5.  The zoo.  The one eyed ostrich.  The snake house.  The aquarium.  The carousel and the swan paddle boats.

6.  My parents.  I heart my mom and my dad.

7.  When my kids clearly have learned something from me... even if it is age/gender inappropriate like wearing high heels or applying lipstick.  Or when they know the Target & Starbucks symbol so well when we drive by they say "mommy shouldn't we stop?"  I know they learned it from me.

8.  Feeding the ducks.  Then running scared when the crazy eyed goose comes after my little ducklings.

9.  When I unjam the copier at work by myself.

10.  Really amazing sales on really amazing shoes.

11.  Joel McHale.  Tina Fey.  Jon Stewart.  Basically funny smart people.

12.  When my rosebush (Oklahoma red) is in bloom.

13.  They joy of digging out my own flower bed.  (Why hire someone?  Sweat and dirt is sorta awesome.)

14.  Terribly written prose about murder mysteries w/ female protagonists and side love story set in Miami (this is a real genre of books and they are FANTASTIC).

15.  The hubs, in general.  The kids in general.

G'night y'all.

Biker Bars & Country Music

So, on Thursday night I recieved the:

from TB at Year 31.   I haven't posted in response yet due mostly to this crazy little thing called motherhood.  I've worked, gone to the bank, my parents house, Kohls (were I got the most AMAZING Vera Wang purse EVER for super cheap!), hung out w/ the kiddos, went to a dive lesbian biker bar (um, more on that later),  sleeped in, went to Tar-jay w/ the fam where my kids spilled chocolate milk all over themselves, the cart and the floor much to the hubs embarrasment and now am finally home starring at the pit that I call my living room.  But I would rather blog than clean.  So, it's time for me to complete the soundtrack of my childhood.  Now, I'm not sure I can post video or whatever, but I'm gonna do my best.

1.  Bon Jovi "Bad Medicine."  This is the very first "pop" song I have any memory of... I also remember my dad telling me that I had the hots for Bon Jovi, but I was like, 6 years old and no clue who Bon Jovi even was, but now, I totally agree, Bon Jovi is HOT.  

2.  Reba McEntire's "Fancy."  Honestly, this is still my favorite song of all time.  I knew all the words... we didn't have cable until I was like 15, but someone (a cousin?  a grandparent?) taped the video off CMT and I watched the video over and over and over.   Now that I think about, not sure if a song about prostitution was that appropriate for an eight year old...Nonetheless, still one of my faves.   Pardon me, while I belt out some Reba.

3 & 4 & 5... I'll put Garth with Garth.  The first is Garth Brooks "Friends in Low Places."  When I was about eight years old I remember standing on the playground w/ the other kids in the class singing this - we knew all the words.  Again, now that I think about it, may not have a few more adult thems than us kiddos knew.  The other Garth song was "Two of a Kind."  My elementry school gym teacher would play this song while we ran laps.  Not exactly work out music, but fun nonetheless.  The third is "Rodeo."  This is a song that I still get SUPER EXCITED to hear on the radio... a few years ago, the hubs and I bought the ultimate Garth Brooks collection and the cd with "Rodeo" is the most played one.  Also, in the fift grade we had a Garth impersantor come and do a performance along with Mike Morgan from News Channel 4...the Garth guy sang "Rodeo" and even said "Damn" which was huge to us kids and then Mike Morgan gave us tornado safety tips.  I think I was wearing my Eskimo Joes tee shirt.  Um, did I perhaps grow up in Oklahoma?

 

Okay, I'm done with the counrty now.  Not because when I was 10 I suddenly stopped listening to country.  Because I did not.  I mostly listen to NPR in the car now, but when I do listen it's mostly country, folk, bluegrass...  But I am a sucker for bubble gum boy bands and pop tarts and sexy bad boy rappers.  So here a few highlights of my junior high and high school years:

6.  "Regulators" Warren G & Nate Dogg... um, whatever happened to them?

7. "Slim Shady" Eminem... I think everyone has this on their soundtrack...

8.  The one and only Ms. Spears "Oops."

 

Okay, I'm exhausted now... afterall I did have a rough night with bikers and roller derby girls.  (That's not entirely true... a gal I work with plays in a band and the bar/band decide to donate all profits/tips to a charity from last nights show.  So about 50 of us from work went to see them play.  I drank all of one beer and stayed out to the super late midnight hour... but had a blast.  And it went to a good cause.  Sometimes mommy's just need a night out.)

Don't judge me because I like only country/pop music.  I realize I have zero taste in music that actual qualifies as artistry, but I am perfectly okay with that.

Ready? Okay!

I didn't blog yesterday.  I was too tired from being a cheerleader.  Literally not metaphorically.  I dressed up along with 15 others in matching outfits, put my hair in a bouncy pony complete with a ribbon (matched the other gals) and did a cheer complete with the high v in front of a hundred people.  

I was not a cheerleader in jr high or high school.  I lack rhythm and coordination.  I was also a bit of an ugly duckling in high school (um, still not to the swan phase yet...though, the other day a lady at work told the hubs - the hubs and I work together - that "you're wife gets prettier the older she gets."  Aw, how sweet.  I barely even know this lady, so it's extra sweet.  Maybe I'm like a fine wine and only get better with age...but I digress).  I was on the Constitution team in high school.  Yes, my high school had an entire team dedicated to upholding and protecting the greatest document ever written - the United States Constitution.  So, I was pretty much the antithesis of a cheerleader.

But we had a bit of a spirit competition at work and I am if anything, I am competitive.  So, I signed up and got to cheer.  And it seriously took every ounce of energy out of me.  But it was FUN! So, there is something to be said for that.

I haven't been cooking lately.  I should.  I've been inspired by a food blog (Rock N Roll Gourmet) and I am anxious to try her tips and recipes.   Seriously, this chic can cook.  If I was randomly in her neighborhood, which would be weird and stalker-y and creepy b/c I don't know her outside of her blog and I live halfway across the country from her... but seriously, one day I am going to try her duck recipe b/c the hubs love duck.

My mom called me...no I called her at 8 am... she invited us to dinner w/ her and some of her work friends, but they were eating at 5 and my and the hubs were still at work at 5... still had to drive across town, pick up the kiddos and get settled.  I feel kinda crummy that we went out to eat but not w/ her.  I sort of adore my mom.  I get to see her tomorrow, yay!  (She lives 5 minutes from me, I see her like every other day... but still.)

So, we were driving to dinner tonight and the Syd was trying to yank her boots off and WHAM!!!  Her boot and foot went up and she hit her mouth and there she was sitting strapped in her car seat in the backseat with the silent cry and her lip busted and bleeding.  Bless her heart.  I felt so bad for her.  But it was pretty funny.  Only when you're two can you bust your lip inside a moving vehicle while trying to remove a shoe.  I think she inherited her uncoordination from me.

Meanwhile, the Rascal Flats version of "Life is a Highway" came on (yes, I keep radio tuned to country...)and Owen said "It sounds like Cars in here.  I'm Lightening McQueen!"

Excuse me while my eye twitches out of control...

9:11 pm.  And I am just now sitting down.  I feel like I have been nonstop all day.  Oh wait.  Because I have.  

Wake up, get me & the kiddos ready; drop kiddos off; head to work; get dettered by traffic/road work; get to work at 9:02 for a 9:00 am meeting; 6 meetings later and a bizillion other to do's later; lunch; a million more meetings and work related things time to go home; drive home; promptly leave house to p/u to-go for dinner; come home; eat dinner w/ the fam; give the kids a bath; get kids to bed; do a load of laundry... and now to blog.

This will all repeat tomorrow and the next day and the next... until infinity.

Honestly, I love my job.  Adore it.  Will never say my company's name or what I do or so much as innocently vent about my job on FB or my blog... b/c I don't want my ass fired from a job I like and a job I am damn good at.  

But honest to goodness being a working mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend... well, there is a reason my barista knows my usual is a quad grande w/ whip carmel machiatto (iced if it's over 60 outside).  Seriously people, my barista knows my voice over the drive thru intercom.  (This quad machiato twice a day thing might be the root cause of my eye twitch and insomnia now that I think about it...hmmm...)

So, long story short...

Do I have anything witty or clever or silly antedotes or cute kid stories?  I am sure I do.

But all I really want to do is cue up the dvr watch some AI.  So, you are getting short changed tonight if you stopped by for my wit.  (Oh wait, that would be in general as I am not that witty.)

But at least my new SmashBox Photo Finish Primer I bought seems to be working... my make up has held up for over 14 hours!

Fo shizzle we potty train & love Miley

Hubs: I want the Snoop Dogg GPS System.*

Me: The what?

Hubs: It's just a plain GPS system but w/ Snoop's voice.  And his sayings.

Me: Fo-shizzle.

Commercial for the new Miley Cyrus/Nicholas Sparks movie on tv.

Sydney, very excitedly: "I need that!  I NEEEEED that!"  (Except it sounded more like "eye'd neat dat.")

*Large Collective Sigh* from the rest of the household.

Owen, upon me forcing him into the bathroom, "I might have some potty in my belly, I drink the milk."

Meanwhile I have nothing witty, clever, adorable or pop culture-y to say.

*for the low-low price ($12.95) you can buy Snoops voice to go over the standard voice on your Tom Tom.  http://www.tomtom.com/page/snoopdogg

Bless her heart.

When the Syder woke up this morning we immediately knew she was sick: rosy cheeks, dark ruby red  lips, dried snot with new runny snot on her upper lip and a weak cough (seriously why do we adults paint our lips and cheeks to appear vibrant and alive and beautiful but when our babies are sick they look all flushed and red?).  

But the number one way we knew she was sick: she was still and quiet.  I think I must have had slightly too much caffeine during my pregnancy w/ Sydney.  This child is always loud; she has two sounds: shriek-y laughter and shriek y crying.  The laughter is only slightly less grating than the crying.  This morning: silent.  She also is always on the go: running, jumping, climbing, eating, crawling, kicking, hitting... today, she just wanted to cuddle.  This child does not cuddle.  I knew she was sick.  

Last fall I spent a pretty penny (or like 50 bucks) on nifty thermostat so I put it to use: 100.6.  Not too bad (same time as the thermometer purchase baby girl had a fever of 105!  Never in my parenting life have I been so scared and desperate and many other emotions... 2 am in an ER with a baby w/ a temp of 105 not the time of my life... I digress... 100.6 though no longer fazes me).  I can tell her throat hurts - she barely ate her bfast and her voice is scratchy.  

Two hours, a dose of Tylenol and thirty minutes in a makeshift steam room later she is on the floor playing half heartedly.   (I closed the bathroom door, turned the shower on full blast hot and we sat on the floor until it was so steamy and condensation-y that our skin was clamy....I tell y'all those old wive tale remedies WORK!) 

Bless her heart.

SOUP!!!!

Okay, so, I'm doing a little experiment on how technologically savvy I am.  I have a few pics of the kids...some from Sesame Street Live last weekend and maybe one or two from today.  Here goes!

In the lobby excited to wear their new Elmo hats and see their BFF (Elmo)

It's ELMO!  And Abby and Grover!

Owen was transfixed!

Syd was transfixed by the cookies

Miss Priss, having a tea party with all her babies

So, I was wrong.  I said "snow-schmow!   It's March 20th and it'll rain not snow."  Well, it has been snowing non stop since before sunrise.  The hubs, he had to work this morning.  So, me and the kids have been lazy-ing it up.  All of us are still in our pj's (at 4 pm!).

No cleaning or laundry has been done today.  Unless you count I ran some vinegar through the coffee pot and the washing machine.

And I did make the most kick ass delish wonderful creamy spicy chicken tortilla soup.  Me the O have had like 3 bowls a piece.

I'm waaay behind on my stories.  Really, one story... Days of Our Lives.  Five episodes down and 11 to go until I am caught up.  I might make it before the weekend is over.  Especially if the hubs and kids nap away the weekend (they've been snoozing a while).  It's a pretty good run right now with all the Carly-Daniel-Melanie-Phillip stuff and the Sami-Rafe-EJ- Baby Sydney stuff... If I am ever a game show and the category is "Crazy Incentual Family Blood Lines on DOOL" well, I just might win millions.  All my soap knowledge is bound to come in handy someday....right???

If the fam ever does wake up maybe we'll have an indoor picnic.  I still have the quilt on the floor from when Syd through her babies a tea party this morning.  Hmmm... maybe I'll whip up some sam-whiches to go w/ the soup....

That is after I find out if Melanie discovers Daniel is her father!

70 degrees and under a blizzard advisory,,,only in OK

It has been 70 degrees for 3 days now. We have a 100% chance of having "storm of the century" weather tomorrow.

This means we went to Wal Mart. Friday night. Storm of the century predictions.

It was like Armageddon in there, y'all. Milk was close to being sold out. Fruit snacks WERE sold out. (Priorities, folks.) EVERY single white trash person in the county was there. With their 18 barefoot heathen kids.

Okay, I'll stop stereotyping.

Owen wore big boy undies the whole time and didn't have one accident! Woot!

We bought Syd diapers and both three zillion gallons of milk (soy and good ol cow) and stuff for tacos and stuff for chicken tortilla soup and lots of cereal and snaky-snacks.

And three trashy tabloids. We ARE so prepared.

I bet it just rains tomorrow.

It has been an exhausting week. I have been suffering from insomnia. I have bouts in the past, but not recently. And this week as required me to expend copious amounts of energy so you would think I would sleep like a log. Alas, it is not to be.

At dinner, while I was nodding off into my plate, I mumbled "I'm so tired I could cry." Owen said "Me too. I be wore out."

After dinner the kids dragged me into Owens bedroom, they said "Just watch us." Then they left me in here and went in played in the living room. Turns out blogging from a twin bed, not that bad.

I may even just collapse into sleep here.

If it doesn't snow tomorrow we have a 1st bday party to attend (my god mother's granddaughters). If it does we will sit around wearing our pj's, watch tons of Nick and eat cereal straight from the box.

(My boss said to me today "how do you do it with two small kids?" To which I replied "they don't know better yet, I get away with lots!")

Alright, off to change Syd's diaper. She just sit next to me and its toxic. I think this is the hubs way of saying "I know I told you to talk to the Internets, but jeez, get off your arse and help me out!"

The first step is admitting you have a problem...

I think I might be a hoarder.  Or OCD.  Or a compulsive shopper.  Or perhaps a good old fashioned addict.

Okay, disclaimer... I know all the above disorder are LEGIT and serious and I should NOT poke fun.

But, I can poke fun at MYSELF.

So here is my confession, y'all.

I seriously cannot stop BUYING things.  It is a compulsion.  And while for the most part it is on things like coffee at SBux on the way to work or groceries or kids toys... I mean spending money is inevitable and part of life... but I latch on to one or two items and OBSESS.  Case(es) in point:

1) Undies.  This was really bad when I was like 18.  I bought like 100 pairs in like 6 months.  Vic Sec adored me.  I have mostly weaned myself but when their semi annual clearance rolls around I am there like white on rice.  For real-z y'all.

2) Shoes.  I own more shoes than fit in our closet.  And we have this kick ass wrap around walk in Australian closet that is like big enough to be an office.  Mostly heels.  But I have started in on my flats and sandals and boots collections too.  Name a color.  Pink - 3 pairs.  Red 4 (two heels, 2 flats).  Yellow - 1 pair heels.  Purple 4 pairs - 2 heels and 2 flats.  Navy? Check.  All shades of brown - tan, taupe, chocolate; matte leather and patent leather?  Check and check.  Let's talk black shall we?  Pointy Toe, Round Toe, boots, sandals, flats, heels, patent leather, matte leather, low mid and super 5 inch platform? How many check, check, checks is that?  It is a SICKNESS people.

I own so many pairs of shoes that I might commission of photographer to do an artsy photo shoot of my shoes...like a still life collection.  Or that might be weird.

*I should note I don't ever spend more than $30.00 on shoes.  I heart Tar-Jay and Charlotte Russe.

3) Make up.  I should break this down into category.  Foundation?  Everything from cheap drugstore to Bare Minerals.  I own it all.  (No, I do not wear them all at once.)  Now I am obsessed with lipstick/gloss.  I have 12 in my purse at last count.

4) Much to my husbands chagrin... magazines.  I love how shiny and gloassy they are.  And they're like books.  But shorter.  With more pictures.  In Touch.  Real Simple.  Glamour.  Parenting.  If it is made out of shiny magazine paper, I like.

So, in all honesty, it really isn't so much about buying STUFF or spending the money... it's like a COMPULSION.  Like I am trying to fill some void in my life.  When I shop I literally get high.  Being in Target or Ross or Kohls or wherever....I'm not sure if it is the florescent lighting or what.  But my endorphins increase and I get a rush and feel genuinely euphoric when I shop.  And if I go more than a week without I get in a serious funk.  Just ask my hubby.  I go through withdrawal.  It's not pretty, y'all.

I had a pretty happy childhood.  I have a pretty amazing relationship with my parents.

I have a pretty super fantastic hubby.  My kids adore me and I them.  We play a lot of pocket rosie (what my kids call ring around the rosie).  (Um, can I say "pretty" any more?  I need a thesaurus.)

So, I have no clue where the obsessive shopping comes in.  It's just there.

And thank goodness the hubs adores me and knows I work hard for the money (she works hard for the money...) and doesn't care as long as I don't spend the mortgage or diaper money.

Wow.  This was quite cathartic.  Feel free to judge me now.

I'm gonna go crush on some Joel McHale on Community.

Blog Etiquette (Or lack thereof?)

First off... I am pretty new to this blog thing.  I have been read 3 or 4 blogs since around Christmas time... and recently I have started to find more.  And now I have my own.  I think there are some unwritten rules or etiquette of blogging.  And I am pretty ignorant of them.  But I am learning.  And so I think I made a few pretty major blog etiquette blunders.  Namely I tried to self promote my blog/link to my blog when I was on others blogs.  So, I do apologize.  I'm still not sure on the rule about shameless self promotion.  But I'm figuring it out.  Also, I read a lot and don't comment a lot.  We bloggers (can I saw "we?"  Do I even count?) love comments.  So I'm trying to do better at leaving comments.  'Cept there is a lot of pressure to be just as witty and clever in the comments as the blog writer is.  And I am just not that witty and clever.  So, is it better to leave a lame comment or none at all?  *Sigh*

On to other items...

Me: Owen do you want a root beer?

Owen: No, Mommy that is for big kids.  Milk, please.

Oh, my heart be still!

(Don't normally let my kids have coke but I went to POPS Arcadia and have some amazingly awesome soda..if you are not familiar with the Soda Ranch check it out: http://www.pops66.com/.  I had a Virgils Black Cherry Cream Soda and it was heaven.)

I am seriously going to have to learn to either write better segues or learn to write only on one topic at a time.

Right now I am thinking of: talking about my leggings (who do I think I am, Lindsey Lohan?  No, Miley Cyrus.  They are Miley Cyrus for Wal Mart.  Because that is how I roll).  Or maybe the SERIOUSLY unconstitutional bill that my great state of OK Congress pushed through today that on a mommy level I am totally OKAY with.  But the legal scholar (which is actually my sister) in me knows the law is not constitutionally sound.  (For more info on the law about the death penalty for convicted children's rapist - yeah that's the law...read here...  http://newsok.com/oklahoma-senate-panel-oks-death-penalty-for-child-rapists/article/3447141?custom_click=lead_story_title).  Or, maybe I can blog on something more light hearted and flippant.  Like American Idol.  Or Sandra Bullocks marriage.  Okay, her marriage is not light hearted and flippant.  Seriously, who the hell would cheat on Sandy?  You suck in a major way Jesse James.  

But I digress.

I need some practice on blog writing and blog etiquette.  But I assure y'all: I'm working on it!

Poop. Yeah I said poop.

My m-i-l took the kids to the library today for the teddy bear picnic.  My mom is the kids librarian and my m-i-l is my full time day care...so she takes them up for story time and whatnot quite often.  Anyway, the kids each brought their teddy bears and each kid (there were 37!  um, total kids at the picnic, I don't have 37 kids) had to introduce their bear... so when Owen was asked "What is your bears name?'  He replied "POOPY!"  Wow.  Jacob had to go out to dinner with his boss and my dad was working so me and my mom took the kids to Chickfila (or as my kids say Schickfil YAY) and I said "Owen what do you want to eat?" and he said "POOP!"  Yeah, we are not potty training or anything.

Awkward segue...

I looked pretty hot today.  And by hot I mean a hot mess.  At 7:15 am in my bathroom at home my hair, make up and clothes looked good.  But by 8:30 am when I walked into the office - after diapering, dressing, car seat buckling and unbuckling, walking in the wind, getting my Sbux etc I looked rough.  So I get to my desk, set up my laptop, my purse, my coffee and take off my coat (an aside: Dear Weather: It is spring break please stop being a jackass and give me weather above 40 degrees...I digress...) Anyway, a girl I know by face but not name walked up and informed me my blouse was no longer tucked into my skirt and my belt had rode up and my skirt down and I had 4 inches of skin and panty hose showing.  Awesome.  Then at lunch I ate a sandwich with onions and smelled like onion all day.  Double Awesome.

Another segue...

So, I am still new to this blog thing and I am going to attempt to post a link and a picture.  Bear with me y'all.



And to prove this is real:

The Goliath Bird Eating Trantula.  Make you want to puke, no?

Okay, here is a happier picture.  My kids!

This is from our Christmas blizzard, so it's a bit dated.  I have taken tons more since then except there are zero good ones - kids looking every which way but at the camera and instead of smiles it's a lot of open mouths.

Have a good eveing!

Don't Call It Brenner

Made breakfast for dinner tonight. Well, the laziest bfast for dinner you can imagine: cereal, bananas, scrambled eggs w/ cheese, cinnamon raisin toast and orange juice. But let's face it y'all: calling breakfast for dinner brenner is stupid. It sounds pretentious and snotty and is totally not even a real word (like agreeance). Plus when you say "I made brenner." People look at you sideways and you have to say "breakfast for dinner." But you have to say it like they're the stupid ones, not you. Hence the snobbishness of brenner. So, easier to say breakfast for dinner and no one will ever say brenner again, okay? Good. (Gosh, probably just offend all three of my followers. Oops.)

So Syd (my daughter dearest) has been at odds with me today. It is become very apparent that unless something changes we will have one of those mother daughter relationships wherein I try to gentle tell her the right thing (by gently tell, I mean force) and she rebels and screams and cries until I give in and she gets to be bad. While today it is over what flavor of cereal she gets or who turns the lights off on the way out of the house (OMG 30 min of non stop two year old terror screams and wails over not being the one to flip the damn switch). This power struggle pattern will culminate in approximately 16 years when we find ourselves on A & E Intervention. Okay, I believe in self fulfilling prophecies so I better not say that. But for real y'all - my daughter is one stubborn mule who knows how to break her mama.

So, I read plenty of blogs that share only the ooey goeey happy sunny everything is rainbows and sunshine side about motherhood. And those blogs are shit. Don't hate me, I speak the truth. It is not that those things aren't true. Motherhood rocks. I love it. Wouldn't trade my kids for anything less than thirty minutes in a spa bath with an amaretto sour and a In Touch tabloid. Just kidding. Wouldn't trade them for anything. Not even world peace. Y'all can keep on fighting, my kids are MINE. Now, on the flip side I read a lot of "bad mommy" blogs. These are trendy right now. Mommy's blogging about how crap their lives as SAHMs are, their crappy husbands, their badass kids and woe is me attitude. This is also a bunch of shit. Kids are totally rainbows and butterflies… that is when they’re not goliath bird eating tarantulas. (That is a real thing - goliath bird eating tarantula. Google it. Have nightmares. Thank me later. Gonna visit one next week when we hit up the new Children’s Zoo exhibit at the OKC ZOO.)

Anyway, the point is I want my blog to be in the middle. Or maybe 70% rainbows and 30% goliath bird eating tarantula. Keep me in check if I lean too far one way or the other.

Plus I am a wife and an citizen and an employee and a gal obsessed with: shoes, coffee, celeb goosip, Days of Our Lives (DOOL hereinafter), loads of tv, books, make up and clothes. So, every now and again I'm taking off my mom hat and just being a girl.

Thanks y'all.

Getting Started

Well, here goes nothing.

I'm starting my own blog.

Woot!

I read a lot of blogs. No, a lot.

So, the hubs finally said, stop talking to me and start talking to the Internets. (I'm a paraphrasing.)

So, here I am Internets!!!!!!!

Love me, please.

I like reading blogs about: mommyhood, marriage, food/recipes/restaurant reviews, beauty/fashion (though I am neither beautiful nor fashionable), tv, books and celeb gossip.

So, I'm gonna write about all the things I love.

Just bear with me though. I know not about things like java or html or rss or any other technological thingys.

And I don't have a great camera, so my pics might be good. If I can even upload (download???) a pic. But I'll try. Mostly I can facebook and read Perez Hilton. That's my internet savvy.

For real, I'm a Gen Y-er. And I don't know this crap.

Bear with me as I develop my writing style. I'm going to *attempt* to be smart and sassy and snarky and sarcastic (at times) and relevant and irreverent and brutally honest and.... well, and me.

So...here is the requisite introduction and "about me:"

Married (met, married and procreated w/ my hubby in under a year! When you know, you know. For real-z y'all.)

Mom of the two best kids: Owen Max, age 3 1/2 and Sydney Claire, age 2. Also known as: Captain Destruct-o and Miz-Chivas. (when they're good their angels and when their bad their... well quite destructive as witnessed by my walls now covered in crayola.)

Half-decent cook. Better call ahead and pick up to go.

Lover of NPR. When I do listen to music it is country or pop/rap/hip hop. (I'm a hard core SUV driving, suburban living, Starbucks drinking thug, y'all. The fact I say "y'all" should hint that I'm not at all hard core.)

Born & raised Oklahoman. Go Pokes! Go Sooners! It's a house divided.

Okay, that's enough for now. Can't wait to met you, all my new Internet stalkers, er, I mean friends!

Erin