Monday, December 13, 2010

Happy Birthday, Miss Priss

Tomorrow my daughter will turn three years old.

Allow me to tell you about her.

She is teeny in stature.  She is both short and thin.  She still wears clothes size 24 months.  She has teeny finger nails that she insits I paint the same color as mine (she's not quite 3 and she is rocking some very chic gray polish).  Oh and she calls them "neen-grrr nails."  She has a small ski slope nose that takes after her aunt Lizz and short hair that has finally grown into a bob.

She has this teeny, squeaky voice...this voice that when she is happy you can hear the pure joy and innocence in it.  And when she is tired and cranky and whiny she has the whiniest voice on the planet.  But when she laughs, well, I'm pretty convinced her laugh can cure cancer and broker peace between Israel and Palestine.

But for all the things that are so small, so elfish about her, her personality is not.  She has the biggest, bossiest, sassiest, charmingest, sneakiest, most mischievous personality I have ever seen.  She is a politician.  She is crafty.    She will declare her edicts of love for you one minute and the next minute push you away.  She hits her brother in private but cries in public that he hit her.  She squirrels toys away where only she can find them.  She is at once a tom boy - jumping off couches and insisting on wearing sponge bob underwear and at once a princess with her nail polish and demanding I blow dry, flat iron and hair spray her hair.  (I don't always cave on that one.)

She knows how to be shy and how to be coy to elicit her way.  But she is direct and bossy and demanding of the women in her life.  She can flirt with any waiter in any restaurant. And both grandpa's?  Forget it, they are knights in shining armor.

Her favorite moments of every day are laying on the couch with me in the evening while I rub her back.  This is the only time she is still.  She tosses and turns and snores and kicks in her sleep.  In her wake she jumps and skips and runs and twirls and never stops moving.  Unless I am rubbing her back. 

Every night she insists on giving me, her daddy, her bubba and the dog about 100 kisses each.  She shouts and she whispers "I love you."  You goes to sleep screaming happily her love for every one she knows as she is placed in her bed.  (Where she promptly climbs out and lays blankets on the floor and sleeps.)

We square off now, her and I, with each standing our ground.  No, you can't wear shorts when it's 20 degrees out.  No you can't have candy for breakfast.  I imagine in 10 years it will be no, you can't date that boy or no, you can't leave the house in that mini skirt.  But how I hope in 10 years and even in 20 that she lets me rub her back as she lies still in my lap.  That she lets her mommy love her.

Three years ago my beautiful baby elf girl came to me.  I love you to the moon and back Miss Priss, Miss-Chivius...Miss Sydney Claire.

She loves to slide

Cinderella for halloween

Miss America wave

Giving her brother a choke-hug

Monday, November 8, 2010

So there's that...

For TB....

and anyone else who was wondering where I have been for two months...

Thanks for your concern/interest.  It is sincerely appreciated.

Life has marched forward with life... kids got flu shots (the mist actually), Owen had his 4 year well child visit and his follow up w/ his urologist (both a-okay), we had halloween.  Syd is growing up and being a smarty and a smart alack.  Girl has attitude. 

We voted as a family.  Well, the hubs and I share different political view points.  We still take the kids to vote together.

We wake up, we eat, we go to work and school and we do laundry and cook dinner and walk the dog and run the vacuum... everything you do.

Tis life.

I may post something of import or interest later.  For now enjoy:

I was looking at our neighbor dressed in a very scandalous Dorthy outfit

My princess

Yep, in the laffy taffy already

Saturday, September 18, 2010

A State of Affairs....

5 years ago today.... 

I had the first date with the hubs.

We were suppose to go to the Great State Fair of Oklahoma.

But we drove around the muddy fields for about 30 minutes and no parking to be found.  It seemed the entire state was at the fair checking out the monster trucks, the 4H pigs, riding the decrepit rides, eating fried bacon & chocolate on a stick and drinking beer.  Now in all honesty, that would have been a pretty romantic date.  I was dressed for it in a tank top, a hippie floaty peasant skirt and rope sandals.

But we skipped the fair.  Had we gone who knows how our first date would have gone.  If there would have been a second.  Or an Owen or a Sydney.

We went ahead and went to Charlestons, a local steakhouse.  We ordered the exact same thing: house salad with ranch, loaded baked potato and an 8 oz steak medium well (I now order my steaks medium rare - with each pregnancy I liked the taste of raw meat more and more...must be an iron thing).  The hubs didn't finish all his food so I finished it for him (along w/ mine).  I then devoured a slice of apple pie a la mode.  And then chastised him when he littered his cigarette wrapper out the window of his truck.  And he knew it was love.  

By the time our one year dating anniversary rolled around we had been married 4 months and I was 8 months preggers. 

But before you think it was some shotgun thing...it wasn't.  Not really.  When you know you know.  We pretty much spent every waking moment from the first date together and were engaged by January - before I was preggers.  

Five years later... I am married to my best friend.  He makes me laugh.  I make him laugh - mostly with my ridiculous antics.  I have never been so vulnerable with anyone before - I can be my true self with him - be honest about anything no matter how weird or lame or silly or gross it is.  We have to amazing kids who bring us much exhaustion and much joy.  We have a beautiful home though it is cluttered and messy (but not dirty) and a spastic dog.  

Going on that date was the best thing I ever did.  Well before I married him.  Or had his babies.

(I should really end on that note...but....)

For the past 3 or 4 Saturday mornings I've been woken up by the sound of the kids taking turns in the bathroom ("you can do it Owen!  squeeze my hand!  My turn!"  Okay TMI).  And then they sing their alphabet.  Loudly.  It is a pretty good sound to wake up too.

I'm addicted to iBooks.  I've read 3 Dennis LeHane books in 3 days.  I'm not sure how I'm sleeping at night.

I am feeling much better.  I've had no starbucks in at least 10 days.  I've cut my caffeine back to 1 cup black coffee a day.  The rest of the day is water - so I have drastically increased my water intake.  More fruits and veggies.  More being aware of caloric and nutritional intake.  (Side note: do princess gummie vitamins count for my daily vitamin?  Maybe I should take 2?)  I've been to the gym 10 times in 14 days.  I'm no exercise guru.  Can barely walk a mile and half (no jogging yet)... but it gives me some energy, some confidence.  I am feeling better already.

Now off to enjoy my family.  Hey guess what?  The fair is in town.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

A food confession...

I own a scale.  I just never use it.

For the first 23 years of my life I was skinny.  Without trying.  I could eat 3000 calories a day (and often did) without batting an eye or gaining an ounce.  If I weighed a 100 pounds, I was most likely fully dressed with heavy boots and a coat on.  I'm 5'4 so 100 pounds was a bit thin.  But quite honestly, I couldn't gain wait if I tried.  In high school my school counselor was concerned I was anorexic ---- based solely on appearance --- after she saw me eat she thought I was bulimic.  I wasn't.  I had to tell her "those are very serious illnesses and there are girls here at school who suffer....but no me.  Your time is better served helping them."  

I may have been addicted to eating.  Maybe.  I ate full fat, full sugar, full carb everything.  I ate late at night right before bed.  I ate fast food and homemade food and preprocessed junk food.  I love food.  Love it.  I did not discriminate... I liked buttery, salty, sweet, chocolaty... everything.  And don't get me started on the fancy schmancy Starbucks coffees.

When I got preggers at 23 I was like "score now I can 4000 calories a day!"  I may not have accomplished that.  But I did eat candy bars and fast food and fruit and veggies.  I did really eat healthy stuff when preggers.  But also a lot of unhealthy stuff.  I only gained weight in the belly.  I was one of these pregnant women who had the skinny arms, legs, etc that from behind you wouldn't know I was preggers.  I gained exactly 30 pounds.

I managed to lose about 7 pounds after Owen before I got preggo with Syd.  I gained that weight back...but in my hips and butt.  When I delivered Syd I weighed the EXACT same amount as when O had been born...and the kids weighed the exact same amount.

Syd is rapidly approaching 3.  And I have yet to have changed my eating habits.  Or lose any weight.  In fact I have gained weight.

And honestly...until this week I have not minded.  Who cares if I'm a size 10?  Who cares if I have a big booty?  So does J Lo.  I really didn't care.

But then something clicked this week.  I realized that for the past month (if not longer) I have been seriously crabby.  Stressed.  Snappy.  And waaaay sluggish.  Always exhausted.  I realized I was short changing my family with this attitude.  And it just clicked "maybe some fresh foods, less sugar and some exercise would help banish these feelings."

So, I downloaded an app on my phone that helps me track my daily caloric intake as well as all the vitamins and nutrients.  This has really put it in my face and helped me be more conscientious about what I eat and how often.  I haven't even had Starbucks in a week.  Black coffee only.  Haven't been as good about the fruits and veggies as I should but I'm progressing.  I haven't been as good at water but I've been better.  I have for sure decreased my amount of consumption, if only by a smidge.

Two nights this week I went on a mile long walk around the neighborhood.  Nothing earth shattering.  But it was two miles more than I have ever walked.  (I know, that's sad.)  Then...I joined a gym.  With my mom.  We joined on Thursday and I worked out (and by work out I mean I went 4 miles on the bike and did some of the weigh machines...)  I went last night as well and did the treadmill, the bike and some of the weight things (arm pres, etc).

I haven't lost any weight yet.  But it has been only 4 days.  And I've been taking baby steps.  I am feeling some better.  I just know, if I stick to it... I will fell better.  I just got to do it.  For me.  For my kids.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

9021-OH!

So, I was sort of confused as to why all my friends on facebook changed their names to David Silver and Andrea Zuckerman and Brandon Walsh until I realized today was 9/02/10.  It took me a minute.

In other news, the kids started school again.  Here are 1st day pics:

Super cheesy grins; Syd's baby is doing the Jersey Shore fist pump; also the baby is named Hairy.
He is nearly 4 and getting so tall
Yes, she is fierce.  The girl will cut you.
Still fierce despite the sun in her eyes.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

This could only happen to me

Or anyone really.  But that doesn't sound near as exciting.

I took the kids to the zoo today (it was a playdate w/ Halley and her momma too).

It was a great day to go b/c it was the middle of the week, after school started and it was really overcast.  Not cool though, it was waaaay humid.

We had a fantastic time.  Our zoo has a new childrens area which is freaking awesome.

They even have an area that is like a mini spray ground.  The kiddos ran and played in the water for a good half hour and were soaked to the bone.  (This is about the time the sun came out and the temp went from 85 and humid to 92 and humid...also, we had been at the zoo 3 hrs and this was the last stop.)  Luckily, I had packed a change of clothes for each kid in case of a potty accident (though Syd has never had a potty accident which is bizarre but wonderful and Owen hasn't had one in a few days).  So, I stripped the kids down out of their wet clothes and put on dry clothes.  But the only place to put the wet clothes was the diaper bag.  Except my kids don't wear diapers so I use one of those reusable grocery bags.  And who wants to carry a purse at the zoo?  so the bag had sippies, snacks, my ph and money and after the spray ground some really wet clothes.

Well guess what?  Really wet clothes that touch a blackberry?  Yeah, my phone is dead and gone.

I have a ipod touch at home so once we got home I got on it and emailed the hubs.  (I guess I could have used the laptop but I really like my ipod touch.)  I think *hope* when he gets home from work I can go get a iPhone.  I had my blackberry 2 years and the hubs has an iphone and I like the iphone better.  We shall see though.

I also came home with a migraine...but several excedrin later I am doing better.

But for real, who would have thought wet clothes would ruin a phone?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Before Meets After

It's been a while, y'all.

I'm pleased to announce we are all healthy once again.

We are also a 90% diaper free household (Syd is 100% and Owen is the 90%.  I know, he is older.  Whatev.)  It's not a myth when someone tells you their kid potty trained themselves.  Syd woke up one morning and decided it was time and it was.

It is *insert curse word* hot.  Like over 100 for 10 days in a row.  Add in the humidity and the heat index and whatnot and its like 110.  The heat is oppressive.  It just bears down on you.  It's icky.

It's been so long I feel like I have a million things to blog about and nothing at all.  Weird.

I suppose I should say - even if I haven't blogged or commented on yours it doesn't mean I'm not reading yours.  I have followed project sleepy time and gallbladder surgeries and moving to your dream neighborhood and whatnot.  I know comments are the life blood of bloggers and I sincerely apologize for not leaving them.  (And for being the creepy anonymous reader!)

Okay, I have a few topics I could discuss:
- my amazingly wonderful near-perfect kiddos (or maybe share some of their imperfections - lol)
- how I'm a total (beauty) product junky and review a few products (primer, foundation, gloss)
- My new Clarisonic!!!!!  (I'm in loooove)
- Or a bit of narcissism (who I am kidding?  A lot of narcissism!)
- Other random blogable moments - y'know the kind that are truly enjoyable to read - every day antidotes that capture a snapshot of humanity at its best/worst.  Like Owen's new "in-bid-able" friend.

Well, folks... what's it gonna be?

Well what is the easiest thing that I can readily write about? 

Narcissism.  Sort of.

Recently a gal at work was like "so it's nice that you have pictures of your husband with another woman on your desk."  It's true: when the hubs I first met I had long plain dark hair (that I always wore in a pony), had glasses, never wore any make up and dressed sloppy.  Somehow he still fell in love with me.  Now my hair is short, lighter, I wear contacts & make up and sometimes actually iron my clothes.  Here is pic from approx 3 years ago, so I think I had evolved to mascara and lip gloss...




Pic taken this week... it's sorta grainy, excuse the pic from the camera...also note I know have two adorable rugrats attached to me:

        

So, that's my attempt at get myself back into blogging.  Maybe I won't be so lame next time.  Missed y'all.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

It's not you, it's me

I have barely been on the last few weeks... so I haven't posted, I have not read your blogs or commented.  Okay, I have skimmed your blogs but I haven't really read 'em or commented on 'em.

I know.

Lame-o.

But I assure you, it's not you...it's me.

We went four rounds with strep and sinus infects.  That's right.  Every member of my household got strep in a round-robin fashion.  Syd and the hubs had it twice.  

So my days were filled with work, puke, laundry, giving kids baths at 2 am, sitting in urgent care waiting rooms...

And the blog world was neglected.  My apologies.

I believe we are back 100% now (24 consecutive days of illness in our household...24!)...so I am praising a deity out there for our wellness.  And the makers of Lysol and amoxcillian.

So that's the story. 

Monday, July 5, 2010

6 Dr's, 17 nurses, 3 ultrasounds, 1 CAT scan, 1 VCUG and 1 X-Ray later...Dr House says...

My family rocks.  My in-laws rock.  I am beyond lucky and blessed to have in laws who adore my kids (and me) and supportive parents and siblings myself.  We also have some pretty great friends.  The majority of both our families live within 20 minutes of us, including the hubs' tons of cousins.  We also work for a pretty A+ company with caring and compassionate bosses and co-workers.  So, allow me to stress again how thankful I am for the wonderful people in our lives.

Why am I stressing this?

Well, here's the story, morning glory...

I had a 5 day weekend (Wed-Sun) and then headed back to work on Mon, June 28th.  That evening Owen announced he had a headache.  11 pm rolled around and he started to vomit.  Profusely.  Followed by dry heaving.  Accompanied by a fever.  Shit.  Of course he couldn't have been sick on vacation.  Wrote it off as the stomach flu.  Dropped him off at the mother in laws Tues morn.  Called at lunch.  She could not keep his fever down and he was curled in a ball and moaning.  Called the pediatrician.  The hubs took off work early and took him to a 4:30 pm appt.

Hubs called me at 5, we needed to get to the ER.

We had the Syd with my parents and were at the ER with O by 6 pm.  High fever - 103-104-ish.  Vomit.  Strong stomach pain.  Could be appendicitis.  The pediatrician had felt a knot in his belly.

6 hours later, 1 blood test, 1 catheter to get urine to test, 1 strep test, 1 xray and 1 ultrasound later... the ER doc said not the appendix.  But Owen was severely dehydrated (he had an IV by then), a high fever and his white blood cell count was insanely high.

At 2:30 am Wed we were admitted to the Peds floor.

Wednesday involved more Dr's (4 more plus a Nurse Practitioner and Physicians Assistant), more blood and urine tests and a CAT scan.  Oh and another catheter.  By the end of Wednesday we knew his bladder was swollen to the size of a cantaloupe.  We didn't know why.  The fever of 104 was still persisting.

Thursday involved a VCUG (dye going into the bladder and ultrasounds of the bladder).  He had bladder reflux were his urine tries to go backwards into the kidneys.  But his bladder was back to normal.

We started the laxatives on Thur eve and removed the catheter.

Still had the fever on Friday but he was peeing and pooping on his own.  More bladder ultrasounds.  More blood and urine tests.  But the little man started to pick up and wanted to eat real food, wanted to read a book, wanted to hold his balloons.

By Friday at 6 pm, I felt like I had gone through an episode of House.  I had showered once.  I had left the hospital maybe 3 times, for no more than an hour each time (maybe a little longer the time I showered).  I had seen my daughter only two times in a week, for a grand total of maybe two hours.  I had slept in a child size hospital bed with a sick child.  I had seen a pediatric urologist and a host of other specialists.  My kid had been poked and prodded.  All we knew was the blood and urine test showed nothing: no UTI, no Lyme disease, no strep... just a high fever and a high white blood cell count.

But we were making progress, the fever was going down.  The blood cell count returning to normal ranges.  He was eating, peeing, pooping.  He was no longer dehydrated.  The antibiotics seemed to be working.

Our formal diagnosis: when Owen pees, he never empties his bladder completely.  This is probably been going on for months, if not a year.  He has bladder reflux.  When Owen poops, he never empties his bowel completely.  Same thing, something that has been going on for quite some time.  Not that he hasn't peed or pooped in months - he has; on a fairly regular basis; even w/in 24 hours of our hospital trip.  He just doesn't go all the way.  Finally the stool in his bowel became so hard and so large it blocked everything - including his bladder, causing his bladder to became enlarged.  Once this happened his little insides slowly stopped working and the bacteria began to spread...queue the fever and the spiked white blood cell count.  Once we emptied him out and started the antibiotics, he started to feel better.

Next up: an appointment with a pediatric urologist (they call themselves: Uro-DYNAMICS!) to figure out it is a behavior issue or if he has some genetic issue (ie his nerves don't function properly) that is causing this.

Now the whole time we were at the hospital the grandmas traded off the Syd and made sure she was A-okay.  Cousins walked and feed our dog.  Our house was cleaned for us.  People brought us food.  Everyone prayed for us.  Our bosses touched base daily and our coworkers picked up the slack, without missing a beat.  All we had to do was sit in the hospital room and hold Owen's hand.  For this, I am eternally grateful.

We got home about 8:30 Friday night.  Sunday morning Syd woke up feverish.  Took her to the dr today - strep.  You know what?  I'm exhausted but I can hang with strep.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Where There's Smoke...

....There's a wannabe housewife catching her oven on fire.

I have never wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I take that back.  Before I had kids I wanted to be at a stay at home mom.  But since I had kids that has never been my desire.

Don't get me wrong.  I think stay at home moms rock.  More power to y'all.  I couldn't hack it as a SAHM.  

I'm a feminist at heart and I believe if you WANT to be a SAHM, go for it and if you WANT to work, go for it.  Cliche?  Yes.  But it's what I believe.

I also love my job and I'm good at it and maybe I'm good at it b/c I love it or maybe I love it because I'm good at it....either way.  People sort of think I'm weird b/c I'm not a doctor or lawyer or teacher or preacher or any of the things people who are passionate about their jobs usually are.  (I'm still not telling you what I do - my company has a blogging policy and I'm not about to violate it.  I will say there are cubicles and copy/fax machines that you want to go all Office Space on and our own version of TPS reports.)

But no matter how much I love my job, but being a mommy just rocks my socks off so much more.  (Man, I'm full of cliches).  And about three times a year I get this overwhelming urge (it is literally so overwhelming it affects me physically) that I just NEED to be at home w/my kids.  I need to be a SAHM even if it is just for a few days and I need to do all the things I imagine SAHMS do: trips to the zoo, library, park and museum; baking cookies and muffins; finger painting and crafts w/ Popsicle sticks; lounging outside in the kiddie pool; planting a garden; sipping lemonade (or hot chocolate if its winter...)  Well, you get the point.

So, here I am on Day 3 of my Stay-cation.  So far we have: gone to library story time, taken O to Toy Story 3, taken Syd to the park and Orange Leaf (the Okie version of Pinkberry --- I think), taught my kids some Janis Joplin and Grateful Dead (hubs won't let them say "I'm a deadhead" oh well), made homemade pizzas and omelets and blueberry muffins and potty trained (sort of - that's a whole other blog) and played "pocket rosie" (that's ring around the rosie)  and played "spiders," ran errands and almost called the fire department... I've also grocery shopped, gotten my eyebrows waxed (priorities, y'all), done dishes 8,000 times and mopped pee from the kitchen floor and taken/picked up my car from the shop.  (It's good thing it's a stay-cation...the check to the shop was painful to write - but good news, my car is no longer a death trap!  Okay, I doubt it ever really was, but they say that to you so you agree to the laundry list of repairs...)

So, Syd got these new pink cowgirl boots at Tar-jay yesterday and the girl will not take them off.  She even slept in 'em, y'all.  I'm trying to teach her to call them shit kickers but the hubs slightly disapproves..go figure :)

Here she is in hair bow, sunglasses and boots and happy as can be:


Owen has been as sharp and as wise ass as usual...

When he and Syd were pretending to be spiders and get me I feigned horror and said "oh no!  Spiders!  I'm so scared!" and he said, with a straight face "It's just me and Syd, mommy.  We're not spiders.  We only pretending."  And when I caught the oven on fire (I just wanted to make sure our pizza crust was extra thin and crispy) I asked him "Should I call fireman Sam?" (note: Fireman Sam is on PBS) and Owen sighed and said "No, mommy, Fireman Sam does not live in HomaHoma City.  You'll just call the HomaHoma City fireman."  Y'all my son thinks I'm an imbecile.

But how cute is it that he can't say Oklahoma and he says "HomaHoma."  Friggin adorable.  I know I shouldn't encourage him to have a speech impediment, but he is only three.

Allow me to say the one thing I'm loving about being at home... eating so well.  I made a gourmet omelet (ham, cheese, onions, tomatoes and jalapenos) and a gourmet pizza ('cept for the burnt part) and tonight I'm going to attempt to bake an entire chicken.  Um, never done that before.  We'll see how it goes.  Maybe I may end up calling Fireman Sam after all.  I'll keep you posted.

We're off to rock out and have a dancy party w/ Jason Boland and the Stragglers. 

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Owen & Sydney: Ant Killers for Hire

Well, we are all dried out here in Oklahoma. 

And it is HOT.  And HUMID! 

So far this morning the kids and I played Chutes and Ladders (sorta, as best kids who don't know how to read yet, can).   There was a knock down drag out barroom brawl-esque fight over the spinner.  So we gave up on board games.

Then the kids morphed into... ANT KILLERS!

I filled up empty spray bottles with "MAGICAL ANT KILLER SPRAY" aka water and I sent them to the backyard.

After about an hour (a whole entire hour, y'all - of pure joy and happiness and bliss - no fighting, screaming or crying) they decided they needed a snack.  The lounged on the floor and ate fistfuls of teddy grahams. 

Serioulsy, could my kids get any cuter?

No clue what's on the agenda today.  Last week we hit up the Natural History Museum and it rocked our socks off.  LOVED IT.   (Syd: Dinosaurs will EAT ME!  Owen: NO!  They won't!  Dinosaurs are DEAD!)

For now...I'm off to sip my coffee leisurely... I'm still lounging in the pj's.

Monday, June 14, 2010

The Great Flood of '10

When it rains, it pours...

That is my office building in the background and those are co-workers cars flooded.  This photo was taken a few hours after the left their cars (at the time water up to the doors).  But that is how crazy the flooding was today.

And yes, I did not have an umbrella today.  And yes when I walked into the office I looked like I'd just won a wet tshirt contest.  I was OBSCENE.  I'm surprised I wasn't sent home.  (Uh, yeah, I did go to work.  I should buy a t-shirt: I survived the flood of '010.  Yes, oh-ten.)

I mean, where is Nic Cage when you need him?  Isn't he suppose to save us from imminent destruction from natural disaster?

A few other photos from today's crazy weather in the 405 (yes, I went there, I referred to my town by the area code):

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Banana Snow Cone: An Ode to a Friendship

Four years ago (actually four years and two months ago to be exact) I was engaged, entering my second trimester of my first pregnancy and set to be a bridesmaid in a good friends wedding.

It was a rainy April afternoon, mid day, middle of the week.  I didn't have to work and I can't remember if it was because I had the day off or I called in sick or what but nonetheless I was at home.  At the time the home was a two story townhouse apartment that I was staying at, though not on the lease.  Technically, I still lived w/ my sis, but I spent most of my time at the hubs apartment (though he was basically just my baby daddy at the time...well and my soul mate, obviously.)

So, I was sort of just hanging out all hormonal and morning sickness-y and in my pj's.  I had been working the over night shift so it was nothing for me to roll out of bed at 2 pm. 

My wedding was about  5 weeks away and the wedding of a good girlfriend was a week away.  We were set to be in each other's weddings.  It was a strange friendship.  We started out as enemies and then became frenemies and then real friends.  Once we became friends it was a pretty strong friendship.  The kind where you could crash at each other's houses unannounced and go on road trips and sing loudly (and off key for my part) to whatever was on the radio.  We could finish each others sentences and when we heard/read/saw something that reminded is of the other we would immediately call/text/email one another.  I adored her daughter and babysat for her when needed.  We were both young and trying to find our place in the world and our own true love.

So, when a week before her wedding she told me about a "tiff" (that's the best way to describe it I guess - nothing earth shattering but still something) between her and her betrothed I asked her "are you sure you want to commit the rest of your life to him?"

Yeah, I know.

From her point of view (and her fiances) that was the worst thing I could possibly EVER say.  It was mean and malicious.  And just plain wrong.

From my point of view, it was out of love and concern.  She was moving states to be with him.  She was moving her child and quitting her job.  I didn't want 6 months or 6 years down the road for her to be heartbroken and desolute.  I wanted to be her friend and to ensure she knew what she was doing.  (Of course, she did.)

I didn't ask her that question out of jealousy or spite or whatever silly, stupid emotion that women sometimes feel when they try to be petty and break up a couple.  I was secure in my own engagement and job and impending birth.  It was out of love.  Misguided, but honestly and truly, out of genuine concern.

But it didn't matter.  I still said it...OUT LOUD... and on that gray April day...

I experienced one of the worth break ups of my life.  There were some phone calls and emails.  Lots of tears.  A roller coaster of emotion.  Breaking up with a friend like that is way worse than breaking up with a boyfriend.  (Okay, maybe not always but in this case it was.)  I was disappointed.  In her.  In me.  I literally felt our friendship crumbling.

There I was, alone, pregnant and thouroughly depressed.  And the one thing, that my brain, some how decided would make everything OKAY... a banana snow cone.

Bizarre.

But suddenly I wanted...nay...NEEDED a banana snow cone.  RIGHT THAT MINUTE.  If only I could taste the sweet coldness of a banana snow cone, somehow all this hurt would just simply melt away. 

It is so odd that I decided on that.  But once I determined I needed one, I was fixated on it.  I was on a mission.  TO heal my heart and satisfy this intense craving, the old thing that would do was this banana snow cone.  Maybe there is some strange psychology out there, I don't know.  It just WAS.

So, I got in my car and drove.  I drove the entire OKC metropolitis.  I drove for nearly two hours.  Not a snow cone stand open.  It was only April afterall.

So, I was left completely empty.

I went on to serve in her wedding, as it was too late to change anything.  But it was awkward.  She backed out of my wedding.  We eventually made up.  But it was never the same.  For one, she lives a state away.  We both have kids and jobs and it is hard to get away.  But whenever she is in town she makes an effort to come see my kids.  We are facebook friends, for whatever that's worth.  And she is still married, quite contentedly, I might add.  I went on to get married and have my babies and form other friendships.

But there are still times when I hear a song on the radio or hear a story on NPR and I think of her.  And every time I eat a banana snow cone I think of that day. 

Obviously, I'm eating a banana snow cone right now.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Tick or freckle?

My grandma wanted a smaller dining room table and I coveted her real wood (as opposed to my semi-fake wood one) dining room table.  It was a three day weekend.  So we swapped.  My dad loaded my dining room set up in his truck and my parents headed to my grandmas.  Me, the hubs and the kids loaded up in the family suv and went.  (Leaving a very empty space in my dining room)

My grandma lives about 3 hours away and in the country.  Well, she lives in "town."  Her town has less than 700 people, a post office and a gas station.  Everyone has lots over an acre and no fences.  There is no stoplight.  It is tiny and quaint. 

My grandma has a huge unfenced yard.  The kids looooved playing in it.  But they got down and dirty.  They're kids so there is technically nothing wrong with this.

The dog also loved being in an unfenced wilderness.  However, we kept her on her leash.  That is until 9 pm and the thunder rolled and the lightening began to strike.  And she wiggled her collar off, thus losing her leash.  And off she went.  The hubs was putting the kids to bed and missed it.  So me and my mom ran after the dog.  For thirty minutes in the dark and in the rain my mom and I chased after the dog through one backyard after another, through rough terrain in flip flops.  We lost sight of her.  The hubs got the car and he and I drove for an hour looking for the dog.  Finally we found her...she took off again and the hubs took off after her on foot.  By now it was pitch black and pouring down rain.  I took back off in car after them.  Finally the hubs wrestled the dog back in the car.

We drove home today, arriving before my parents.  We all sort of collapsed on the empty dining room floor.  And I spotted it...a TICK on my leg.  Ewww.  But completely warranted, I suppose seeing as I traipsed around the country.  So, we all stripped down, the whole fam, in the dining room and searched for ticks.   The game of "tick or freckle" ensued. Syd had one in her ear.  Now she keeps saying "Ah!  I have another one!" and is panicky.  Owen says "incsects!!!!"  Nonetheless, between the four of us we found 5 ticks.  Yuck.

I heart my grandma.

But I am seriously staying away from the country for a while.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Four years ago today...

I married:

My best friend
My soulmate
My baby daddy

*yes, this person is one in the same, I did not marry 3 people.




Uh, I was like totally 5 months preggers here, and I swear I weigh more today than I did in this photo.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Quote of a lifetime...

There are a million and one ways to parent well and only a handful to screw your kids up royally.

This resonated with me and hopefully with you as well.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Awkard Moments = Blogging Moments

So after a long day of dog shopping (more on that later) I realized I needed laundry detergent (because when do I not?) so I headed up to the Tar-jay (does referring to Target as "the tar-jay" annoy you as much as when people call bfast for dinner "brennner" annoys me?)...amazingly enough I managed to get up to the tar-jay without any kids.  It was a miracle.  And I intended to make full and complete use of my alone time.  After all, it is mother's day weekend and after all, I'm as narcissistic as any other blogger and will make any excuse to make it all about me... So, I got me a have it your way frapp from sbux with extra coffee and extra caramel and started to stroll about the clothes.  And I found a a 50's style Stepford wife sleeveless cream & orange shift dress on clearance in my size (well, relatively my size, I usually take 3 sizes into the dressing room and depending on what store/brand/day of the week it is one will fit me).  So, I took the dress into the dressing room and had the zipper (it was a side zipper) half way up and it stuck.  It just stopped half way up.  It wouldn't go up or down.  I tried in vain to tug it up and nothing.  I tried in vain to pull it down.  Nothing.  I tried to pull the dress up over my head, and it wouldn't go.  I tried to wiggle it down over my hips but no such luck.  I was trapped in this dress.  I poked my head out of the dressing room and no sales associate.  There was one other customer behind a closed door.  I tapped my foot impatiently until I saw the woman leave her dressing room.  I accosted her.  The woman, tall and blond, 40-ish, with a vague Eropean accent tried with all her might to pull the zipper down and she couldn't make it budge.  She did however track down a sales girl.  Finally, after 20 min trapped in this dress, a 16 year old sprite of a girl, quite literally cut me, with scissors, out of the dress.  Talk about awkward - standing in my skivvies in the target dressing room with a strange girl.  Such is my life...

I'm watching A Lion in Winter on TCM right now (w/ Katherine Hepburn and Peter O'Toole)...and I forget how fantastic this film is... all the sharp barbs and smart lines.  It brings back memories, of high school, when our school performed the play.  I was never much of an actress but I was one heck of a stage manager.  Well, the hubs, thinks I'm crazy watching movies made before my birth.

Okay, the dog... Well, I've never been a dog person.  Not out of fear or dislike.  Just because I've never really owned a dog.  We had farm dogs when I was small but they were farm dogs not house pets.  But the hubs adores a dog.  And for over a week now he has been on a dog kick.  So, we bit the bullet and adopted a dog.  We went the local humane shelter.  They had over 100 dogs and it was a bit overwhelming.  Luckily, we had my mom with us, who knows a thing or two about dogs and the kids s we could see how the kids and dogs interacted.  We adopted a beautiful 2 1/2 year old female Siberian Husky named Kona.  

We made a trip to Petsmart, were Kona was better behaved than the kids.  She also did well in the car.  She's been part of the fam for about 6 hours now.  She seems to adjusted quite well to the house and the family.  She likes the cool tile in the kitchen and playing fetch in the back yard.  She has been playful but not hyper.  Sweet and a little reserved but not scared.  I have even gotten over my uncomfortableness and let her lick me, lay on me and brush her.

Below is are a few pics from the hubs iphone.  

And happy Mother's Day to all the mama's out there!

 

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Motherhood, y'all

Thursday evening...got kids juice boxes from the sbux at the front of tar-jay (b/c I am a seriously awesome mommy like that... and the juice boxes give them some preoccupation so they don't grab every single item off the shelves).... I was busy browsing for the perfect card to go with a wedding gift for my boss (well, sort of my boss)...and Sydney dumped her apple juice all over Owen, soaking him head to toe in juice.  And his head was tilted up, so it went up his nose.  Pure joy soared through my heart.  Either that or an anxiety attack...

Scene: still at target.  The kids remove their flip flops and place on the motorized checkout thing-y... the target lady was nice enough to "scan" the shoes and accept the kids pennies as payment.  She said bye to the kids and Syd yelled "BY-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe" at the top of her lungs, quite cheerily...making the "e" last the length of leaving the checkout until we reached the car.

In the parking lot I attempted to unlock the car door... my "dooot-do" (otherwise known as keyless entry but I call it a "doot-do") doesn't work so I have to manually unlock the car door.  I let go of the cart and lo and behold a gust of wind came up and pushed my cart containing two thirty pound children and probably another 10 pounds of items all the way into the main aisle.  I had to lunge for the cart.

Saturday afternoon, kids go outside with the hubs, return inside with dandelions saying "Mommy, I got you a flower!  Kisses!"

1 am Saturday, er I suppose Sunday, morning... both kids wide awake... I put them both in our bed, slide in the middle, kick the hubs to the couch to snore... realize I have no pillow because the kids have absconded with them all...I lay in the middle, with no pillow.  Syd snuggles up under my arm and curls next to my belly, Owen snuggles my back and makes sure his feet are touching me at all times...the three of us sleep in peace the rest of the night.

Sunday midday, I just finished mopping...O decides he needs chocolate milk, but tells no one... half a gallon of chocolate milk on the floor later... I am mopping again.

Sunday evening...picnic in the park and lots of swing, sliding, smiling, playing tag, climbing...

My dear sweet children...how I love your tiny bodies.  I am continuously amazed that you came out of my body.  With your sticky fingers, your hot little hands... your ticklish feet and underarms.  Your gap teeth and cheesy grins.  Your sweet baby smells...and your stinky sweaty post nap smells.   Your soft hair... your insistence to hug then kiss then give a high five every time I leave for work.  Your eager hugs.  Your smarty pants observations.  Your vivacious little laughs.  I could watch you running, barefoot, through the sprinkler, on a warm spring evening at dusk, with your mouths wide open, your eyes huge, your laughs hearty...the flowers in full bloom, the tree leaves green, the grass freshly mowed... I want to freeze these moments forever and never lose them.  You my children, my precarious and shy Owen, my vibrant and sassy Sydney...you are in full bloom, just like mommy's begonias.

That is motherhood, y'all.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Honest Scrap!

So, y'all may now, I'm a bit unawares of blogger etiquette... (I think it was like my second post...found, um...here).

But I do know this... I love winning blog awards! 

So, Stephani, at Writing Fuels My Soul gave me the Honest Scrap Award!  Woot! 

So, here are the rules...As part of receiving this wonderful Blog Award you are required to list 10 random things about yourself and then pass along this award to your 10 favorite bloggers.

1.  My fantasy job: soap opera actress and soap opera writer.  I adore Days of Our Lives.... and though I'm not hooked on any other soap, I can usually keep up w/ The Bold & The Beautiful, All My Children and One Life to Live via commercials.  I become emotionally invested in the DOOL and when talking to other DOOL fans I refer to charecters like real people...ie "That Chloe is such a whore.  She was married to Lucas and cheated w/ Daniel.  Now she's engaged to Daniel and cheating w/ Phillip.  Who is married to Melanie, who is Daniel's daughter.  So basically she's sleeping with her step-son-in-law.  Who used to be her boyf and then her uncle in law and then her brother in law.  Gross."  But what I really love about soaps?  Is when something that is actually plausible is going on in someone's life (say a rough time at work) something HUGE happens and makes everyone feel sorry for you. IE "I know you really suck ass at your job, but my God!  You just fainted and when rushed to the hospital it was revealed you have a rare genetic disorder.  So, it's not your fault you suck at work!"  That could come in handy is real life every now and again.
2.  I'm verbose.  See Random fact 1.
3. I got a text tonight "hey" from a number I didn't recognize.  I texted back "hey..."  Reply was "is this Nakoma."  Me: "nope, wrong number."  Not expecting a reply...but I got this "haha aiiight."  WTF?  Is there text etiquette I'm not aware of?  To text a response back to a wrong text number?  Not even an apology...  bizzarre-o.
4.  I'm secretly jealous of the hubs iphone.  But I begged for a blackberry and I got one (about 18 mo ago) and so I don't think I can possibly ask for an iphone for Mothers Day or our anny or my bday (all rapidly approaching...)  But if you talk to the hubs, you can drop a hint :)
5.  I think my husband has some awesome friends.  He has two really close friends that he has known for about 15 years and basically transitioned into adulthood with and really "grew up" with.  (Did I just end a sentence w/ a preposition?  Oops.)  But he has a really healthy relationship w/ these guys and I never worry when he is out w/ them (I don't really worry much about the hubs in general, though) and I like their wives and kids.  I think its good he has someone to hang w/ and go to college football games and nba games and with and retain his own identity.
6.  I basically grew up in libraries.  Love a librarian today.
7.  Despite the above I still totally regard In Touch weekly as something of literary merit.
8.  My fave people in the world?  My mom.  My dad.  My sister.  (Okay, obviously the hubs & the kids).  But my dad is funny and smart and is sorta quiet and sometimes his humor or his amazing insight just sneak up on you.  Sometimes my dad will take 45 min to tell a story and then you go home and two days later he calls you and picks up the story and 30 minutes in you're think "wtf, dad?" and then he floors you with something amazing.  My mom is the most practical person I know and someday I will write a memoir about her canning blackberries handpicked by me (as a 7 yr old)...not beacuse it was a fun thing or a hip thing or green thing...because it was free and practical.  My mom somehow went from being my mom and her whole identity being a mom to being a multifaceted, complex person and my friend in the past ten years... she is amazing.  My sister who knows every inside joke ("new socks are the shit" "I'm from the Lou and I'm proud") and every drama and every tragedy and every joy... plus she likes to eat vietenemese sandwhiches with me.  Love y'all.
9.  I love new-grass music (like bluegrass but w/ hipper).  Trust me, I'm not cool enough to like this music.  But I do.  (Splitlip Rayfield, The Dewayne Bros, The Asylum Street Spankers, Elexa Dawson, Kasey Rausch etc...)  This being said, I also like rap, pop, country and most top 40 autotune crap.  So, there really is no accounting for taste :)
10.   I believe the words of that country song "God blessed the broken road..."  Because I'm pretty darn content with my hubs, my kids, my job, my house, my basically everything... is it perfect?  No.  But I am content?  yes.  Has it been a journey to get here?  yes.  But worth it all.

Okay, enough of the cheese.

Now to pass the award on.  And I promise your ten random facts need not be as verbose as mine.

2.  Rainy at A Rainy day... 
3.  Tb at Year 31
4.  Debby at Me a homeschooler?
5.  Lily Ruths Mama at Diapers, Dogs & Cooking in Heels
7.  Living Shallow, Living Well at, well, Living Shallow, Living Well
8.  Dianne at My First Blog 
10.  Melissa at Think On It

Oh and my feelings totally would not be hurt if you didn't do this.  

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Sally Field = me...or something

It's the witching hour and I am wide awake.

Why?

I slept in this morning and sorta napped (well I took two baths ----excessive, I know --- and so that was restful).  And my home team just kicked Kobe and the Laker's ass.  Thunder Up!!!!!

I started to fight sore throat, sinus pressure and fluid in the ears Fri morning.  I woke up this morning terribly congested and headachy.  By midday, I had cooked bfast, done dishes, picked up the living room (trying to keep up w/ the cleaning from Thur), done several loads of laundry, bathed the kids...and I felt like shit with a migraine coming on.  Have you ever had a migraine and a sinus headache?  Two separate and distinctive headaches at once?  It sucks.  So, I ran a bath.  I knew the terminex man was coming, but it was a 4 hour window for his arrival.  Of course, he arrived ten minutes after I ran the bath so I had to get out.  Luckily, my OTC meds finally kicked in and I even made a target run (sans kids) and went out to eat w/ my parents (w/ kids).  But there was another bath after the kids were asleep.  Now, I finally feel headache less, though still some congestion...and wide awake.

In other news...we took Syds crib down.  She has had a toddler bed and crib in her room for a while and we transitioned her to her toddler bed last weekend and she has done perfectly, so we took down the crib.  It was bittersweet...my baby's not a baby anymore.  Almost makes me want another one...but not quite :)

Earlier this week the hubs was out of town (notice I didn't mention this before or during his time out of town.  I don't think I have any internet stalkers but just in case I didn't want to announce it.  I don't really want my life story to become a made for tv Lifetime movie b/c someone broke into my house and  killed me and disposed of my body in a wood chipper and kidnapped my kids and sold them into white slavery... but if my life did become a made for tv Lifetime movie - but not for being killed just for being me -  can Sally Field play me?  I know she's like 40 years too old, but her performance in Not My Daughter and on Brothers & Sisters every Sunday just blows me away... but I digress....can you tell its midnight?)....

Where was I?

Oh yeah, the O fell asleep on the couch and I carried him back to bed and he said (w/o opening his eyes) "oh I'm just gonna take a little nap."

My heart melted.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

some kind of wonderful

So my last post was fairly depressing.  But I felt it was important.  So I posted it.

I'll try not to be so depressing tonight.

But can I rant first?  And get it out of the way... then we can move on to more frivolous topics...  Thanks!

So, apparently there is a facebook group "praying" for the death of President Obama.  Now, it seems to me about 50% of Americans were not happy with our prior President and the other 50% aren't happy with the current.  But aren't we supposed to be Americans?  And be respectful of the role of the President even if you disagree with their politics.  I mean we have freedom of our own ideas and proper, respectful, healthy channels to express these beliefs.  (And by channels I don't mean FOX or CNN...I mean like going to town hall meeting or joining a civic group.) I figure everyone has a right to their own beliefs and I'm fairly tolerant of others...but I was simply appalled to discover there is a facebook group "praying" for a death of a President. I think you have complete power in choosing your President - VOTE.  If he/she doesn't work out, vote again in 4 years. There are proper channels for discourse and working to find a different solution to public policies - say emailing your congressman or joining a civic group...NOT PRAYING FOR SOMEONE TO DIE.  

That is my 2 cents for whatever it is worth.

Okay, so enough of that.

So...I might be high maintenance.  My first clue...my sbux order:
Iced Quad Non Fat Grande w/ whip Carmel Machiatto

Uh, try saying that out loud before you have had your caffeine...

And I know the whip cream cancels the non fat milk but the non fat tastes better. So there, snobby barista.  I pay your salary.

My second clue... I had someone come clean the house today.  As in I paid someone.

It really isn't like I called Merry Maids.  It is my mom's best friends daughter in law who is a SAHM and just usually does her MIL's house and agreed to tackle mine.

And I'm a little uptight about it.  Not her.  Or the AMAZING job she did.  It is all me being a dumbass and not knowing what proper pay or proper expectations to have or cleaning supplies to have ready or what to ask her to clean.... so I have called and texted the poor girl like 12 times in the past week....just OBSESSING over this going well.  With all my obsessing I am surprised I have not scared her away.  

But I have always been the hired "girl."  My employment from ages 16-21-ish did literally involved me being "the girl."  Like middle class suburban moms saying to their friends "I hired a girl.  Y'know to help with the kids and the laundry and the cleaning and getting the car detailed and going to the dry cleaner."  So, it's a bit bizarre that I am in a position to hire a "girl" even though it's not even like that - more like a friend of a friend doing a small favor.  But it's still weird.  And I'm obsessing again, which only makes it weirder.

But I can just say..it's some kind of wonderful to walk into a clean house smelling like lemons.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

We remember: 4/19/95

Do you remember?

Do you remember where you were on April 19, 1995?

I do.

I was 12 years old.

At 9:02 am, my world, our world was changed forever.

It has been 15 years since the bomb shook downtown Oklahoma City.

It is still shaking us today.

I was a child when this happened, yet the impact on me was so immense. I cried and cried and watched hours and hours of footage. Of the firemen and rescue workers. My heart broke in a million pieces. I was much too young to understand what it meant to be a mom. Nonetheless, my heart was breaking for the parents, of all ages, who lost their children. I wrote a lot of really bad poetry about the bombing, the humanity, the pain, the loss…and the triumph of the human spirit. I’m not sure how normal it was for a 12 year old to obsess over this but I suppose it was in a way a healthy way for me to deal with the complex emotions a tragedy like this brought forth. I had no friends or family member in the building… but, that didn’t stop me from being human and feeling the range of emotions.

The Oklahoma City bombing was the largest act of terrorism on American soil at that time and still the largest act of domestic terrorism. 168 lives, including 19 children (the building housed a daycare) were lost that day.

This photo, of baby girl Baylee still makes me cry (I’m crying as I write this) and makes we want to puke b/c of the sorrow.



1200 rescue workers – from across the country and across the world – the National Guard, firefighters, police officers – came to OKC to help. The outpouring of support was overwhelming. Quickly, we realized that good would come and goodness and light would outshine the evil of the bombing. (Cheesy, yes, but true)

The fence, to protect the public from the debris was put up…and to this day visitors still leave notes, poems, stuffed animals…


This message (sprayed on the wall on the days after and still there at the Memorial site) says it all:



Ten years ago, the Memorial opened and a few years later the Museum. In the past few years downtown OKC and Bricktown has undergone a makeover. We have Fortune 500 companies and a NBA Team and hip new night clubs… our downtown is much more hustle and bustle than 15 years ago. But what stands strong and proud – a silent beacon of peace and hope – in our downtown is the Memorial. 

The chairs, representing the victims, stand dignified. The reflecting pool allows for silent remembrance. And the survivor tree stands with grace. The Survivor tree stands tall and proud to show that inherent goodness we have as a human race.



I like to visit the Memorial at dusk. The lights glimmer faintly as nighttime envelopes the city and the contrast is hauntingly beautiful. I go to the Memorial and I take my children. To remember, to pay honor and to respect those who lost their lives and those who came together as a community to survive.

So the bombing is still shaking us…shaking us to remember to do our best each day to live with love.

I try to teach my children to love. Love those who are the same as you and love those who are different. Perhaps you will not always agree with someone but you should always respect them. I teach my children history. I teach them that evil exists in this world, but they can handle evil if they have faith, hope and love. I teach them about humanity and tragedy. I do my best to show them all the good that has come from this tragedy. I show them the bad too. If we don’t know our history, we are doomed to repeat it.

I ask you too to remember. Remember Baylee. Remember the others who were there that day. Remember the rescue workers. Remember to love someone today.