Saturday, September 11, 2010

A food confession...

I own a scale.  I just never use it.

For the first 23 years of my life I was skinny.  Without trying.  I could eat 3000 calories a day (and often did) without batting an eye or gaining an ounce.  If I weighed a 100 pounds, I was most likely fully dressed with heavy boots and a coat on.  I'm 5'4 so 100 pounds was a bit thin.  But quite honestly, I couldn't gain wait if I tried.  In high school my school counselor was concerned I was anorexic ---- based solely on appearance --- after she saw me eat she thought I was bulimic.  I wasn't.  I had to tell her "those are very serious illnesses and there are girls here at school who suffer....but no me.  Your time is better served helping them."  

I may have been addicted to eating.  Maybe.  I ate full fat, full sugar, full carb everything.  I ate late at night right before bed.  I ate fast food and homemade food and preprocessed junk food.  I love food.  Love it.  I did not discriminate... I liked buttery, salty, sweet, chocolaty... everything.  And don't get me started on the fancy schmancy Starbucks coffees.

When I got preggers at 23 I was like "score now I can 4000 calories a day!"  I may not have accomplished that.  But I did eat candy bars and fast food and fruit and veggies.  I did really eat healthy stuff when preggers.  But also a lot of unhealthy stuff.  I only gained weight in the belly.  I was one of these pregnant women who had the skinny arms, legs, etc that from behind you wouldn't know I was preggers.  I gained exactly 30 pounds.

I managed to lose about 7 pounds after Owen before I got preggo with Syd.  I gained that weight back...but in my hips and butt.  When I delivered Syd I weighed the EXACT same amount as when O had been born...and the kids weighed the exact same amount.

Syd is rapidly approaching 3.  And I have yet to have changed my eating habits.  Or lose any weight.  In fact I have gained weight.

And honestly...until this week I have not minded.  Who cares if I'm a size 10?  Who cares if I have a big booty?  So does J Lo.  I really didn't care.

But then something clicked this week.  I realized that for the past month (if not longer) I have been seriously crabby.  Stressed.  Snappy.  And waaaay sluggish.  Always exhausted.  I realized I was short changing my family with this attitude.  And it just clicked "maybe some fresh foods, less sugar and some exercise would help banish these feelings."

So, I downloaded an app on my phone that helps me track my daily caloric intake as well as all the vitamins and nutrients.  This has really put it in my face and helped me be more conscientious about what I eat and how often.  I haven't even had Starbucks in a week.  Black coffee only.  Haven't been as good about the fruits and veggies as I should but I'm progressing.  I haven't been as good at water but I've been better.  I have for sure decreased my amount of consumption, if only by a smidge.

Two nights this week I went on a mile long walk around the neighborhood.  Nothing earth shattering.  But it was two miles more than I have ever walked.  (I know, that's sad.)  Then...I joined a gym.  With my mom.  We joined on Thursday and I worked out (and by work out I mean I went 4 miles on the bike and did some of the weigh machines...)  I went last night as well and did the treadmill, the bike and some of the weight things (arm pres, etc).

I haven't lost any weight yet.  But it has been only 4 days.  And I've been taking baby steps.  I am feeling some better.  I just know, if I stick to it... I will fell better.  I just got to do it.  For me.  For my kids.

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